More Than Five Things I Never Want to See in Plant Design

DOUG HALBE: The kickoff speaker, and my unanimous choice, is Joe Keane. Joe was born in Butte, Montana, and began his association with the mining industry as an under- ground miner at age 16. Currently he is president of KD Engineering and Metcon Research. He had it lucky when he went to school because there were only 44 elements in the periodic table, I understand. [laughter] Here's Joe. JOE KEANE: I'm doing this under protest. Maybe we can start the slides. Mr. Halbe gave me this topic, but I don't like it. I don't like Mr. Halbe either [laughter] because of the way he shanghaied me into this. He called me up on the phone and said this is what you're going to speak about: "Five Things I Never Want to See Again in Plant Design," and I said, "Huh!" Then I started getting stuff from SME about how to make a presentation. I have decided to change the title to "More Than Five Things I Never Want to See in Plant Design," since you can't have a completely negative speech; you have to have other topics. So we will have some other, not completely nonrelated, topics to sort of break the tension. I tried to find a joke to open with. I talked to Omar Mutati. All of his jokes were either about Bill Clinton, our beloved President, or they were too filthy to say in a mixed group. [laughter] So I decided to start this out with a profound statement. The pro- found statement is, "The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights," [laughter] by J. Paul Getty. J. Paul Getty was one of my favorite guys because when a real obnoxious reporter asked him one day, "How can I become wealthy?" he said, "Drill for oil and find it."